Baby Blues

I’ve been bringing it up a lot latey and I think it just means I think I’m ready.  L and I ate at the food court yesterday for lunch, there was an adorable little boy sitting in a highchair just behind L.  He kept staring at me and I started playing peek-a-boo with him, I had him giggling and rolling his head back laughing.  I see people holding their babies and my heart just cries out, my friends have begun having children and I feel jealous.  I’m on birth control but with every medication I’m supposed to take, I forget to take it some days.  I told L yesterday I was forgetting intentionally, just teasing him and the look of panic on his face was a little upsetting.  I mean, I understand that he feels like we’re not ready and in some ways I agree, but it kind of scares me to think that if I did get pregnant (intentionally or not,) he would not be immediately supportive.  He’s great with kids, I think he’ll be an awesome father and I’m excited to see it.  I do feel an overwhelming sense of urgency and I can’t imagine that I’m meant to ignore something like that.  I really hope L gets the job in Virginia, it pays well and I think it will mean having a family soon.

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